There are an abundance of descriptive words out there, and most of them can be applied to food. Festering gravy. Dolloped cabbage. Smothered raisins. Pungent casserole. You get the idea. Variety is the spice of vocabulary. There are some words, however, that must be banished because they are objectively terrible. Hideous words that make my brain pucker up in a reflexive, sphinctral shudder. Do not use these words.
Yummy: The loathsome bookended “y” makes this word sound like wet mush in your mouth. It also doesn’t mean anything. If I describe a food as “yummy,” you know nothing about it except that I enjoy eating it and am describing it to you as though you are a toddler.
Being crappy is a way of life, and like all ways of life, it has seasons. Sometimes, being crappy means holing up in your lair while the rains of winter dribble around. Sometimes, being crappy means it’s summer and so you decide you’re having social engagements. Webster’s dictionary probably defines hosting as “letting gross bugs nibble your skin flaps,” but we can define it as “having people over and wanting them to think you are 25% less crappy than you actually are.” When that pressure strikes, I clean furiously, decide to make 5 new recipes, and end up yelling at the victims who live with me. That makes everyone feel GREAT by the time guests arrive!
Really though, the heart of crappy hosting is understanding that being not-so-great at it should NEVER be an impediment to your socializing. Your friends want to hang out with you. They don’t really care about your house. At the same time, the level of squalor you can tolerate may necessitate finding a balance. These tips are about where that point really resides. Continue reading “10 Ultimate Crappy Hosting Tips”→