Food · Handcrapted

Words to Banish from Food Writing

henceforth banished

There are an abundance of descriptive words out there, and most of them can be applied to food.  Festering gravy.  Dolloped cabbage.  Smothered raisins.  Pungent casserole.  You get the idea.  Variety is the spice of vocabulary.  There are some words, however, that must be banished because they are objectively terrible.  Hideous words that make my brain pucker up in a reflexive, sphinctral shudder.  Do not use these words.

Yummy:  The loathsome bookended “y” makes this word sound like wet mush in your mouth.  It also doesn’t mean anything.  If I describe a food as “yummy,” you know nothing about it except that I enjoy eating it and am describing it to you as though you are a toddler.

Mouthwatering:  You are describing a food as activating an overflow of bodily secretions.  You would’t describe a ham sandwich as “micturating,” would you?  Or swoon over a diaphoretic butternut squash soup? Continue reading “Words to Banish from Food Writing”

Handcrapted · Other People's Crap

18 Old-Fashioned Kitchen Products You Absolutely Will Regret Buying

I clicked on a promising BuzzFeed article entitled “18 Old-Fashioned Kitchen Products You Won’t Regret Buying” because I’m always looking for things to buy without succumbing to deep guilt and regret. Unfortunately, as usual BuzzFeed is a crock of shit. (A fancy vintage cerulean crock, but a crock of shit nonetheless.) Here are their stupid recommendations: Continue reading “18 Old-Fashioned Kitchen Products You Absolutely Will Regret Buying”