Thanks to Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, and their ten zillion Instagram followers, chokers are back in style in a big way.
I’m pretty stoked about this because I look AMAZING in chokers. (Maybe it’s because people naturally want to choke me.)
Sure, I can get behind buying a fancy uniquely embellished length of pleather, or a gilded replica of the stretchy chokers I used to buy at Hot Topic in eighth grade.
But the idea of paying Actual Money™ for a dumb scrap of black ribbon? NOPE.
I have a spool of ⅜” black ribbon in my car right now. I could make this Forever 21 choker in three seconds for two dollars. And do not even get me started on the travesty of that denim repurposed-jeans choker. I could make that in three seconds but I never would because it is FUGLY. (Currently sold out, so my conscription of “FUGLY” might not be accurate to the average Forever 21 customer.)
Please, dear readers, do not buy a stupid overpriced piece of ribbon from Nordstrom, buy a regular-priced piece of ribbon from your favorite craft store. Tie it around your neck. Not too tight. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.
If you want to get a step fancier, do what I did:
- Destroy a necklace or bracelet that you hate and steal its fastener pieces. (Or buy a clasp from your local craftery shop, if you must. I love a good lobster clasp.)
- Measure your big ol’ neck and cut a piece of ribbon, fabric, or pleather to fit. Add an inch or so for seam allowance. Also take the length of your fastener into account. Or whatever. I rarely measure stuff accurately, I just cut and pray.
- Thread your ribbon through the fastener holder thingies and pin in place. The ribbon should fold over onto itself by about a half inch. (Or way, way more if you didn’t measure accurately. Ahem.) Try it on to make sure it fits your big ol’ neck, then stitch the ribbon to itself close to the fastener.
- Take a Kardashian-esque selfie with your favorite SnapChat filter. (Don’t post the selfie, nobody cares.)
I should caution this tutorial with a word of warning: wearing a choker for longer than 8 hours could lead to such side effects as constant selfie-ing, thinking maybe you should go to Coachella next year, and tricking yourself into believing you’re cooler than you are. You’re not cool. You DIY-ed a choker. For neither the first time nor the last time, you’re basically wearing garbage.