I am gravely concerned. It has come to my attention that there are a group of people so depraved in their sensibilities that they have cast their votes for an abomination. Their moral turpitude knows no bounds. (Surprise! I’m actually NOT taking about the representatives voting to repeal the ACA).
No. These people, long afraid to publicly admit their vile predilections, have voted en masse. They lust for artificiality. They disdain reason. They worship a false Baal of corn. (Nope! Still not talking about Donald Trump supporters!).
Gentle readers, a Jelly Belly flavor bracket cannot lie. The voters have dangled their chads. BUTTERED POPCORN is the victor.
In its wake lie the likes of Juicy Pear, Tutti Fruity, and the champion of our hearts and minds: Black Licorice.
If you participated in this stupid result, kindly apply sandpaper to your tongue.