Being crappy is a way of life, and like all ways of life, it has seasons. Sometimes, being crappy means holing up in your lair while the rains of winter dribble around. Sometimes, being crappy means it’s summer and so you decide you’re having social engagements. Webster’s dictionary probably defines hosting as “letting gross bugs nibble your skin flaps,” but we can define it as “having people over and wanting them to think you are 25% less crappy than you actually are.” When that pressure strikes, I clean furiously, decide to make 5 new recipes, and end up yelling at the victims who live with me. That makes everyone feel GREAT by the time guests arrive!
Really though, the heart of crappy hosting is understanding that being not-so-great at it should NEVER be an impediment to your socializing. Your friends want to hang out with you. They don’t really care about your house. At the same time, the level of squalor you can tolerate may necessitate finding a balance. These tips are about where that point really resides. Continue reading “10 Ultimate Crappy Hosting Tips”→
When I moved into the house that I currently share with my life partner and stepcat, I decided that the spare bedroom would make an excellent home office for all the creating and writing and “business” things that I would probably be doing, eventually, as if moving into this house would turn me into a real adult instead of the cobbled together with crayon and construction paper fake adult that I pretend to be. With an inflated sense of ability, I set out to create the home office of my dreams.
The kid eyes the coffee urn. The crust around its edge is a vestige of more profligate times, before the glass carafe shattered. That morning, the hiss of continued drips on the hot plate had punctuated his musings on grammar, an exorcism of squeals amid the spurts of dark, arterial fluid.
His eyes dart left. Another misbegotten has entered.
Did you bring your lunch today?
The question carried a threat, borne on the winds underpinning the fattened rain clouds that drifted in yesterday, and stayed. They were there Monday, too. The coursing rains swelled the sewer pipes and threatened to overspill their bounds.
These are some good meatballs. They use common household ingredients. They are easy. They are Delicious as Hell. I owe a debt of inspiration to Smitten Kitchen, whose recipe I have made and increasingly changed about half a dozen times. The result is – get this – even simpler than the original. Continue reading “Most Triumphant Meatballs”→
Everyone who knows the difference between a tsp and a tbsp has a special recipe that they know by heart and whip up regularly. I committed this recipe to memory so long ago that I don’t even know where it came from. (Most likely it was adapted from my mom Karin’s banana loaf recipe, but she probably wouldn’t want me sullying her good name with my mediocre muffins.)
The World’s Okayest Banana Muffins are my go-to lazy weekend stay-at-home sweet-tooth brunch treat. They’re quick, easy, hard to screw up, and go great with black coffee. Plus they’re the perfect vehicles for those bananas in your fridge going brown and splotchy. You might not win any awards or impress your older sister who taught you the difference between a tsp and a tbsp, but like a $9 bottle of red wine these banana muffins are just good enough to get the job done.
Any good vampire knows the importance of blocking out as much sunlight as possible from dawn until dusk. Unfortunately, after years of use and abuse my sturdy sleep mask finally turned into dust. What’s an undead creature of the night to do?
I am gravely concerned. It has come to my attention that there are a group of people so depraved in their sensibilities that they have cast their votes for an abomination. Their moral turpitude knows no bounds. (Surprise! I’m actually NOT taking about the representatives voting to repeal the ACA). Continue reading “At What Cost?”→
Like most people, I spend way more time surfing Pinterest for sweet ideas than I spend living a productive life. Pinterest lets you build your dream house without lifting a finger, fill your closet with a Vogue magazine’s worth of the latest trends, and serve a five-course gourmet Thanksgiving dinner in the middle of July. Scrolling through Pinterest is the perfect way to spend an evening when you had too much wine and don’t want to go to bed drunk but you need something a little more stimulating than watching a movie to keep you up. Or, um, you know, a normal evening.
And like most people, my Pinterest is full of things that looked amazing and doable in the heat of a Pinterest scroll-binge but that I will never, ever, ever get around to doing. Here are some of my top offenders: